Faith, Spirituality, and Listening to Your Kids

Interesting little discovery regarding faith, spirituality, and listening to your kids.

Born and raised Roman Catholic, both my husband and I - we set out raising our 4 little ones within the same religious doctrine. Although we have never been strongly dedicated or particularly committed to our practice of Catholicism, our children participated in religious education and received their sacraments. We have never contributed a staunch influence of religious practice over our children- but have always practiced a “spiritual” life of acceptance, openness, love of diversity, kindness and compassion- that I have always identified as my religion.

I believe in humanity and the goodness of living an honest life.

So here we are, raising teenagers who are forming their own personalities, believes and opinions about how they see the world and how they connect to a higher power- if they believe in a higher power at all. I appreciate the pushback from all kids, the exploration of imploring questions and the resistance to taking everything at face value or because a teacher, instructor or adult may have said so. I want them to understand that they have the right to question, respectfully, the universe around them and come to their own individual independent autonomous conclusions. I want them to dig deep and figure out who they are and what they believe. It is not my job or right to influence them, but to provide variety, and let them discover. After all isn’t that where education, creativity, authenticity and a fulfilling, inspiring life come from.

So here I am, hesitantly wielding a pen, preparing to sign off on a check for religious education- well aware that these 2 children are being pushed through the final stages with zero connection and a sure understanding of what they believe.

I know these children well- we have had conversations regarding religion and their beliefs. I have researched various religious faith groups, interested in finding a connection and community that feels right for myself as well as my kids. The complication arises in that- my kids don’t fit into a neat little box of religious faith and as far as I can see-based on their expression of believes- their choice in churches also may not align.

I suppose some parents could go off the rails with this- look at this perhaps as a failure- a lack of guiding your children strongly enough in your generational declaration of what is right and expected. After all, my last two children are only 12 and 13- the age at which many parents may feel they are too young to make such a decision. Through my own journey and the lessons I have learned- I have to disagree with that.
They know darn well what their beliefs are- I know this because we have had open conversations about God, if they believe in God and if not, what do they believe. Their answers vary even though they were raised under the same roof. One thing they all share in common is - a belief in equality, social justice, kindness, compassion and an appreciation for humankind.

So as I sit here, I realize there was a day in the past I may have looked at this as a failure- my last 2 will not be finishing out religious education as my other 2 did.

I may have questioned myself and my decision to exhausting lengths. I may have pushed them through and doubted my decision all the way to completion- with their misery, and resistance along the way. But not today.

It is not our failure when our kids grow independent beliefs and charter their own path and purpose.
It is a success. It’s a celebration and sure as hell freeing to let yourself off the hook and just let it be.

They are smart, they usually have the answers and knowledge of self if we give them the space and encouragement to explore and express it. The struggle does not come from them but often our willingness to accept and embrace what may not align with what our vision is - or was