Acceptance & Celebration

There seems to be so much controversy and, at times, hypocrisy when we talk about acceptance and celebration of ALL. When we say ALL it is often not ALL. In today’s climate, we have such divide on so many issues. Politics, religion, and gender just to name a few. Social media has exasperated the issues as we litter our feeds with memes, videos, posts and comments that allow ourselves the ability to boldly express our thoughts and feelings while sometimes simultaneously oppressing or insulting others. This is often done without much thought or reflection for the feelings of the reader or the receiver. We defend this under the guise of humor or defend it with calling people over-sensitive. I’m also sure there are times when these posts are done with direct, malicious and clear intent. For that, there is no solution and I am fairly sure those people are wasting their time reading this blog. Generally the non-reflecting haphazardly make these posts behind the shield of our posting to our “friends” and “followers”, often confusing them with like minds or experiences.

Quite frankly, social media has become a haven for adult cyber-bullying. A great example for our children who have become the central focus and blame of bullying campaigns. When the apple does not fall far from the tree. Social media has become so toxic and has entrapped us in a society of divide. With all the brilliant minds, creative brains and wealth of experience out there in our virtual world, many actually believe that our social media stances and rants are productive and effective ways to make positive change. Its quite mind numbing observing this perpetuated in commenting wars with such staunch stances one way or the other, or even worse “unfriending” (which becomes a lifetime of hatred and ignition for social media war). Too often I have seen so many indirect insults, cruelties and insensitivity posted that have directly cut me to the core or have broken my heart because they are intimately related to me, my children, family or circumstances. Thankfully due to some personal growth as I navigated my own obstacles, I choose to not reply or comment or use some passive aggressive response to the hurtful posts. I have learned to see the bigger picture and believe it is possible to turn the other cheek, kill people with kindness and educate through vulnerability. What I realize is that in the community I live in, as a heterosexual white male, I do have privilege. I am afforded opportunities, experiences and choices that not everyone has. Not my wife. Not my children. Not a lot of people. That is the truth from the privileged mouth himself. I can use this unearned privilege to oppress or for my personal gain or I can use it for the greater good. I have decided to use my privilege to help others be accepted and celebrated. I see the struggles females have in society with opportunities, judgment, and safety. I observe and dialogue with people of different race, religion, sexual orientation, and identities to see and hear their struggles in our communities. I have invested my time and energies in others different from me and I am learning to listen to their stories to understand the obstacles they face. You see, we often throw words around like equality and equity and tie them into race, religion, ethnicity, gender and sexual orientation. Those tend to be among the top five areas associated with equality and equity jargon. In my experience, the majority fears the possibility of losing privilege and opportunity to the minority. Power becomes our focus of keeping our privileged identity. As a society we love to check the box, bring programs into our schools, throw advertisements in the media, and purchase resources to fight for the simple concept of acceptance and celebration.

When I strip this topic down, it becomes very simple. Each one of us are connected by experiences, pain, losses, and insecurities. It is not our physical, economical, or hereditary identities that unite us. We have all been hurt and cut down in our lives for things we cannot control. Our struggles, our obstacles and our difficulties are what we all can truly understand and appreciate. It is so important for each of us to live our lives authentically being who we are whether others agree or understand. That privilege must be for everyone. I truly believe that accepting and celebrating someone for being true to themselves is the key to humanity. I do not agree with and understand everyone and everything. I have a hard enough time agreeing with and understanding myself but I have learned to respect and try to empathize with everyone. Its not always to be easy being inclusive since I must battle my past, my upbringing and the impact of societal norms on my thoughts and actions. It has helped me to remind myself of all my poor decisions and reflect on my mistakes. It helps that I think about all the times in my life, even as a heterosexual white male, when I have felt rejection, have not fit in or felt comfortable in my own skin. I have hurt others in my life and for that I am truly sorry. I choose to live a better more accepting life when I celebrate everyone for who they are, what they are and how they want to live. It is simple to me that you are beautiful as you. I am learning to love myself more, love others more deeply, and learn from others different than me. So before you hit send, try thinking about accepting and celebrating others with something positive instead of trying to get a laugh or hurt another. Remember, we never truly know what goes on behind someone else’s closed doors and certainly not in their heart. Kindness never kills but hatred has.